Is it morning
Is it night
No, it’s The winter of my plight !
The spring long gone and the summer no more,
The autumn of my life before the fall !
What a lot of what a lot of people don’t realise about Alzheimer’s and dementia is that is the reason why we don’t like going out ,
it’s nothing to do with withdrawal or keeping ourselves from people ,it’s mainly because of the noise .
I’ve lost the ability to filter out noise ,so one-to-one is fine as long as they speak slowly ( but not loudly, I’m not deaf ).three or four, if they take turns to talk and not all starting shouting to be heard above each other,I can almost cope with that but more than that and the noise just mixes into one ,becomes a garbled mess .
It then becomes very difficult for me, I start to raise my voice to be heard above the background noise and people think I’m shouting and behaving inappropriately because of the Alzheimer’s or I go the other way ,and just shut up and stop talking altogether.
This not talking much can then quite easily turn into a bad habit !
Off to Chester City shopping with my girls today, the card is going to be seriously damaged.dont like shopping so much since alzhiemers came along. The bustle of people running forwards and backwards ,the noise is so bad you can’t filter out anything,it just becomes a garbled mess. The whole thing of trying to be normal is so tiring. I start to lose my bearings and feel lost every way you turn looks the same and the panic starts to set in. Why don’t you stay at home I hear you say, isn’t that giving up ! ?
Going scatty, getting words mixed up, forgetting words, terrible mood swings, just some of the problems that led to a doctors appointment . My driving was getting very erratic I wasn’t seeing junctions any more, I was wasn’t taking my time at roundabouts and traffic lights well, forget it,I just wasn’t paying any attention at all. My motorbike riding was getting awful ,absolutely awful ,
so I decided it was the motorbike not me. So when I got home from the Isle of Man after watching the TT races I decided to change the motorbike to a much altogether easier one to ride . This made no difference at all and after the last outing with three near misses I came home, put the bike in the garage and advertised it on eBay . The bike just had to go !
This was the end of an era ! I have spent most of my life riding motorcycles ,building them ,customising them and absolutely enjoying them ! This was probably ,next to lose my independence, the hardest blow dementia hit me with at the time .
Memories shouldn’t be for just one day
Sitting in the corner shouldn’t be the way
Not speaking, or looking around
Trying not to make the slightest sound
You don’t want to be, a burden anymore
But Daily tasks have become a war
As you go thinner
There is only one winner
Waiting, to die
In a chair, with a sigh !