What do you see nurse ?

Someone told me about this poem the other day, found and read it , very potent and very true, thanks Steve McG

What do you see, nurse, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you’re looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far away eyes.

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try?”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will.
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill,
Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I use at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide, and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty once more babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old woman and nature is cruel,
‘Tis just to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I’m loving and living life over again.

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman, look closer – see ME!!

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Sleep ! What’s that ?

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I need to sleep ! I can’t sleep,
when I should be sleeping, I’m not sleeping, when I shouldn’t, I am !!
I go to bed, two hours later, I am wide-awake,
absolutely wide-awake !
Tried the soup and a hot chocolate, and the Horlicks just before bed ,
it works at first ,no problem getting to sleep for 2-3 hours, then Wide awake again.
The limited time I do sleep is full of night terrors!
I’m not sure if this is a side effect of the medication I’m on or the Dementia or even both !!
But it doesn’t help one bit, it’s tiring trying to be normal without sleep deprivation 😳😳😳😫

“Waiting”

I used to laugh, live and dream ,
Idle summer days, beer and wine.
Children playing,and enjoying my years .
Family, friends and the love of my life,
Memories in the making,
Pictures of the past !
Family, laughter ,and cries of joy ,
Loving and living, tears and frowns .
Clowns and puppets, pretence and fear .
Months and months, year after year !
Ups and downs, round and round,
Loving and living,
Waiting in line.
© chrisroberts.

Crying while you smile !

Don’t you look well, they cry ! Don’t you look great !
If you’d like to be me ,let’s make a date !
I’ll give you one hour ,and then you’ll see
The darkness that tries ,to devour me
You’ll see what drowns, the person you knew,
And the bright hours I have left are only few,

Now, the darkness surrounds me and threatens my past,
How long, can days such as these last !
Tears fall all around me, they flood my feelings, they soak my face,
Yesterday’s memories packed away in my case.
I scream quietly, my eyes they retreat .
Trying to remember yesterday is quite a feat !
with a smile on my face,
I cover ,my disgrace.
© chrisroberts