Panorama – Living With Dementia: Chris’s Story
— Read on www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/aboutthebbc/entries/c0868d6c-41be-4557-8f74-ff7aa9c5c131
Tag Archives: lonley
The constant battle !
It’s oh so cloudy, it’s oh so dull ! I can’t remember the artist or the rest of the words, but it brings new meaning to me.
It’s a constant battle, new problems weekly, if not daily, I have new boots now , all with zips on the side because I can’t tie my shoelaces.
I can’t use a knife and fork, just one implement at a time, my brain cannot multitask, it can’t do two things at once.
I shout out random words which are only supposed to be private thoughts, don’t tell me your secrets. Lol !
I don’t do well with jokes or sarcasm, I don’t get the punch line, are you joking or telling me a story, should I laugh or should I cry !
Faces don’t appear in my memories anymore and I ask my children their names.
Tired all the time, everything is such hard work, exhausting.
A grown man having to be reminded to do everything, anything.
I scream inside, I scream at my poor dog, so I don’t at my family. But he understands and still lays by my feet and looks at me sometimes to make sure it’s still me .
But It’s not me, I’m disappearing so fast and this new slow ,old, tired ,inpatient man is coming to the fore, angry and uneducated,
he’s so hard to reason with because I think he finds everything so hard to understand, I’m becoming like a child.
I’m unlearning every thing I’ve ever known one horrible day at a time.
‘Living well’ I don’t ! I live with ! ‘Not suffering ‘. I do, my family do, in every way every day.
Scared that one day the cloud won’t lift !
This isn’t written for sympathy ,it’s for insight and education, and for other diagnosed, to show them they are not alone
Crying while you smile !
Don’t you look well, they cry ! Don’t you look great !
If you’d like to be me ,let’s make a date !
I’ll give you one hour ,and then you’ll see
The darkness that tries ,to devour me
You’ll see what drowns, the person you knew,
And the bright hours I have left are only few,
Now, the darkness surrounds me and threatens my past,
How long, can days such as these last !
Tears fall all around me, they flood my feelings, they soak my face,
Yesterday’s memories packed away in my case.
I scream quietly, my eyes they retreat .
Trying to remember yesterday is quite a feat !
with a smile on my face,
I cover ,my disgrace.
© chrisroberts
Looking out of the window
Feeling a bit flat, here’s an insight ,
I look out of the window, staring at the sky
Just longing and wishing, that I could fly .
All the noise has gone and at last I can flee
Leaving all my troubles ,right behind me.
My eyes grow bigger, my mouth opens wide,
Into the white, beautiful clouds, I collide
Spinning, turning and flying carefree
I’m on my own ,just grinning with glee.
Then I fall and fall ,screaming so loud
No longer feeling ,so tall and proud
Just looking at the sky,
Wishing I could fly,
And again,
I cry 😔
© chrisroberts
Dementia survivor, so far..... 